a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
what the fuck
Whenever you’re going through a bad day just remember, your track record for getting through bad days, so far, is 100%; and that’s pretty damn good.
i want kids but im scared they’ll blame me if theyre ugly
*pretends to understand the movie reference you just made*
dating tip: ask them to show you their recently used emojis so you can count your matches and see if you are compatible